A while ago I wrote a post about making time for each other well that obviously didn't work and this week saw my marriage of 7 and half years breaking down in not such a nice way but in a way that both of us realised we weren't working any more and that we were just making life difficult for each other.
Alana wasn't around when we had the argument that sealed our fate but the boys were around and although oblivious as such they heard and saw Mammy get very upset and Daddy leave. Devon is a mummy's boy and his take on things is Daddy is never coming back he be naughty to Mammy (that his words and in no way was his Daddy violent to me) now I thought he was very much unaware of this and that his Daddy leaving wasn't affecting him but he will tell anyone who will listen this so its obviously playing on his mind.
Alana being a Daddy's girl very much blames me and has told me know on several occasions, I guess that is to be expected she has been full of attitude and is certainly being more argumentative than ever and is very quiet at times.
Myles doesn't seem to be too affected guess he is young enough but there is times where he wander around shouting Daddy,Daddy and looking for him!
All our of friends thought it would blow over and we would be back together after a day but we both knew it was time to call it a day, of course there was tears shed and begging for forgiveness but it was a little too late, once I realised that it was over for good there was some anger especially when I found out he was off on a stag party something he has said previously he wasn't going to and a night out at the pub when I was still left the responsibility of the children. This anger then gave way to a sense of calmness and an overall happier person who realised that there was no point in be angry or bitter at the end of the day you can't not work at something and expect it to work all by itself!
We are now on to day 5 of a one parent household and I must say home life is much calmer, much more relaxed, tiring yes but everything is now been done my way if something isn't done there is nobody to blame but myself, if I don't want to do a chore then there is no grieve and it can wait and be done later. There is no more shouting at the children maybes I'm trying to keep it calm because I feel guilty at hurting the children I guess time will tell, I have also started a parent course which was suppose to be for both of us but obviously not so much know but decided to still go along as going to need to take charge more now.
Daddy took the children out for tea the other day and he said himself he couldn't believe he didn't have to tell them off once, I think overall its going to be better for them as Daddy isn't as stressed as much and they are going to cherish the time they have with him. They are over the moon as he is getting his own flat so means sleepovers, another bedroom for them. Have explained that it means two lots of presents what more can a child want!
My family have been so supportive and understanding they still see Daddy as part of the family texting him making sure he is OK, whereas my in-laws not a word apart from the first day where I was told my daughter will be sleeping there as arranged and they WILL be coming to my house to see the children! Explained that my concern was the children and settling them into a routine and letting them adjust first and that is there Daddy's responsibility to make sure they seem them not mine, guess they will only be glad to see the back of me!
Had many a chats with Daddy since he has left making arrangements with regards to the children and helping work out what he can afford to do with the flat and finance in general. Its a scary journey, its a tiring journey and its going to take time to adjust but I have some pretty amazing people who I have never met supporting me and there at the other end of the computer, one person especially has showing me that a true friend helps you even if they have never met you and I hope karma pays them back.
I'm sure I will find challenges on the way and it will be hectic at times but I will get through this my marriage wasn't for nothing I have three beautiful children who will keep me going no matter what.